14 more minutes

Well, I've almost survived a really shitty valentines day, it's almost technically over, mentally it may never be, but if you ask the clock, the time is damn near up. It's been a bit of a depressing time for this here blog, the past month or so. It's also been a time of change and chaos and mental exploration. Through this I have learned a few thing:
1. You can't roll over or under things, you have to trudge through them.
2. You can want what you think you want, but it may not be what you need or get.
3. Weight loss is a great and simple side effect of mental anguish.

Started work at the funeral home this past monday, it's been a bit quiet but that's ok. I hoped for that, in fact I special requested it. I'm not sure how capable I am this week of being surrounded by other's grief, especially if it moves me. It would be selfish of me to drag my own issues onto someone elses dance floor. It's ok to let it get to you if it's for them, but not if I am sad for me, that would be disrespectful. We did have a valentines funeral today, it was quite lovely. I felt like I belonged, like people are seeing me as strangely out of place, yet somehow I look like I know what I am doing and are there for the right reasons. It feels good to have someone looking around for help, seeing me, and knowing I am there to help. Just like anything I guess, once the confidence in ability grows, it shows. That and it's a great distraction from my own reality. My favorite thing of the day was taking off in the chrysler 300 (black & chrome) to run errands on my own. Yesterday I got to take the caddy limo out for a drive in the country, on the highway, fun. I love the stature that comes with this business, looking gorgeous with great hair, all dressed up in a feminine suit, black of course, with a long wool coat, also black, driving the company vehicles, funny but yes, more black...I love the feeling.
I need to settle this shit storm down a little, how much physically can you take before you crap out? My guts are absolutely rotten. That was damn near a double entendre, or was it? Who cares. This is getting a little fat, don't want to bore my devoted fans. I'll leave you with this, it seems appropriate, given the day and all.