Snoo~oo~oo~oo~oop

The tickets arrived in the mail today, i'm excited. Something to look foward to here in the dead of winter. There's more freakin snow than anyone knows what to do with.
My neighbor, Dwain came over and we smoked a little, drank PC "New Wave" cola, and played with the Wii. Pretty cool machine, it is indeed. I love the way our culture has gotten kids of all ages hooked on video games, and has finally thought of a way to combat the effects. The Wii is totally interactive, in fact, my arm and shoulder are aching. WE played bowling, baseball, and boxing. Then I did a fitness test, apparantly I am 37 Wii years, hmmm...maybe if I had a gotten off the couch?
The school work's getting pretty heavy these days, no more fuckin the dogg. (pun fully intended) Speaking of which, I think Snoop is kinda hot, in a schmarmy gangster kind of way. It's Jessie's 17th birthday come groundhogs day, thought a little Snoop would make a nice gift. He's a pretty lucky little bastard, considering the shit he doles out...I'd say. And too bad for me that I have to drive and chaperone, cause man...anyways.
2 weeks
2 midterms
2 finals
Cause you know what they say right? Good things always come in twos.

I want a Ben Harper for Christmas

Finally...Spring

I love spring in November, it really makes a Saskatchewan winter feel short.
What a beautiful day for a highway drive...music up, windows down, cigarettes and water by my side, singing my buggered little heart out all the home, wee wee wee.
Just in the process of avoiding studying for a sociology exam tomorrow. Hmmm...says Freud, does this have anything to do with your repressed childhood desires? Yeah, maybe...

Transformation

I feel different to me. When I look in the mirror, I look different as well.
My skin no longer feels like my own, my body a stranger in my own home.
Is this another milestone of life, unrecognizable to self?
Wanting to emerge a beautiful version of a self I once loved, but fearing the self-inflicted damage I've done. Can it be undone? Can something better than ever grow from this heap of mold?
It's strange to feel unwanted and alone. Where do I begin to reach for what I need to fill the space...
It's not about self-loathing or hate, it's about spending too much time alone with your head.

Desperate times call for Desperate measures...or so it seems

I've been wanting to say that all week.We can call it the "order of the month".
It could be my accusingly hipocritical sense of judgement, mixed with a little pinch of rejection, thrown in with a little sitting at home getting drunk alone, and there you have it. The perfect recipe...
Getting drunk at home, alone? You say...well yes I reply, because it seems like most of the people who are/were in my life, all talk about it like it's a perfectly normal, acceptable thing to do. It's hard to get over the nagging voice that tells me it's not ok, that it's a sign of addiction. I tend you associate alcohol with people, and having fun. I guess you could call it a social habit. It feels weird but ok. I watched a movie too, and once I got past the language interpretation part of it, I quite enjoyed it.
It was called Intermission, It held my interest. You could say I liked it.

Such a need for adult contact, and foiled at every bend. I'm trying to make new friends, but thus far it doesn't compensate for the loss of the old ones. It's funny, one of my new classes is sociology, and It's causing me to think about my fucked up state of social isolation. It happens so gradually that you don't really feel it until you really have to face it, then you can't ignore it. Or is this just a natural part of getting older and knowing what you want and don't want? Or think this is what you need at this moment?
I pulled out my camera tonight and took some self portraits...fuck do I ever look like my mother in one of em', I deleted it. I haven't had the camera out in a long time. I took one of myself that I really wanted to post here, too bad my USB ports are shoved deep into the face of my computer again. I thought of it the other day, and named it, "shot block", you gotta hate that one.
Anyways, thats the scoop for now and now after 3 1/2 beers, I must depart. But I leave you with this...My favorite song line of the week...
"I'm celebrating my love for you with a pint of beer and a new tatoo"
(Yeah, it's been a Billy Braggish sort of few days)

Everyone needs an ******, right Fred?

I feel good, although I wonder if it's a faux pas to smell the roses.
It's been a absolute blast of a week...I love what I've been doing, and through it I'm feeling stronger and taller and smarter than I have in a long time.
The beauty is sliding into somewhere that you have always suspected you should be, and finding you fit exactly how you thought you should. I'm going to try and get myself a position on the payroll, because I think I am exactly what they need right now.
We'll see tomorrow...I had the day off today, and spent it cleaning and rearranging my house. And a bit of shopping of course, because we all know the best time to shop is when you are feeling awesome about yourself. That's when you find the best stuff.
One more day at the funeral home, it's too sad to think of not going back until February. I'm lucky I already have some of my classes, because it sure lightens the load, AND ahem, that makes me even perfecter for the job.