It's the Darndest Thing

So I've been attending some motivational type classes this week, a program based on the workings of a man named Lou Tice. We watch video's of Lou giving lessons on how to alter the subconscious mind, how to make life changing self- affirmations of how to be all you can be and more. Funny thing is though, is that this man not only looks like W.C. Fields, but his voice and mannerisms mirror the legendary funnyman to a point that makes it hard not to laugh. It's ok though, the facilitators still seem to adore me, in fact, one of them laughs jovially at most of my quarky outbursts. It's kind of fun. The catered lunches and snacks and beverages have been fabulous, definately worth being dressed all day for. "Stay tuned, there's more to come." (Lou Tice, 2006)

Just Another Wacky Sunday

Today has been one of those days...it started out rough, real rough. Rough to the point of wanting to vomit just to feel better kind of rough. I awoke at 8 am with a headache so screaming bad I couldn't even stand to lay on it, so I got up, in search of advil and water. Aaahh, the good ol' hangover cure, normally. However, today was not a normal hangover kind of day. I went back to bed and laid there holding my aching head in my hands until about 10, then decided to try getting up one more time, still sporting a filthy headache. I made coffee, but couldn't stand the smell of it, or anything else for that matter. I was utterly naseous, wanting to puke, wanting to die, something to end the misery. So anyways, I ended up taking 2 or 3 more advil and crawling back into bed. Finally I was able to get some sleep, I slept beautifully until 1 in the afternoon. For those of you who know me well, you would know that this is no easy feat for me, I'm always up by 10 for sure. Oh what a night is all I'm going to say about that, even though the night seemed pretty mellow at the time.
Weirdness event number 2...The police showing up at my house stating that someone had called 911 from my house and hung up. Now this could happen, it's not unheard of, but, at the time of the call I just happened to be on the phone with Nicki. I looked at the timer and we had been talking for 22 minutes, when the cop radioed in to find out the time of the call, it happened while we were talking. We all just decided it was some weird cordless phone thing and they left.
Regardless of the strange day and feeling like crap for most of it, I still managed to get quite a lot done. About 8 loads of laundry, a mega load of dishes and getting the kids ready for morning. Maybe because I skipped volleyball I felt I had to compensate for the lack of activity, who knows, but it's all good.
I got a new coffee maker!!!! Finally, it's been broken for 9 days, I've been making cowboy coffee with a funnel all week, yuck. Tomorrow is looking good, simple, easy delicious coffee, a class downtown called "Thought Patterns for a Successful Career", how nice. Maybe it will help me find the motivation to get a job or something, anyways, it's a new week, a new outlook on life, and a new cup of coffee. Yay.

random thoughts for a wednesday part 2 (and yeah, I know it's Friday)

I just opened an old drawer and found some of the strangest items. I call it an old drawer and it's in an old dresser, but let me explain. It's a dresser that used to be in my bedroom, then I moved it to Jessie's empty room, and I did clean out all my underused underwear, but I didn't clean out the top drawer. It's a salute to my organizational good intentions (similar to the road to hell), and lost in time are the many necesary objects that would in fact, allow me to procede with being a more organized individual. In the drawer I found some of those little clips that you attach to the wall in order to hang a mirror, not just one pack, but two. I must have really intended to hang that damn mirror, that maybe or I just wasn't happy with my first selection and therefore went out and got more. I also saw a poncho in a pack, about 4" by 4", handy. There's a whole bunch of other crap too, but I'll save you the details. On to the next random thought...
In my basement there are a bunch of teenage boys, at least 5, but maybe 6. They are all under 19, ranging from 15-17, and they are fucked up. They are currently listening to a really cool version of "Get Back", but its done by Ludacris and Sum 41, way cool. They are really loud and obnoxious, especially Jessie, who is at the moment(I can tell by the sounds) wearing a hat, aviator glasses, and redneck teeth. There is lots of coughing and male type bragging going on. Teenage boys are weird to me. They were also surprised when I answered the knock at the door, perhaps, I said to them, you were expecting someone else? Their instant silence gave them away.
Today at the library I got the ultimate Johnny Cash book, it looks great, can't wait to read it. So why don't I go crawl into bed and read it then you ask, well, because I don't want to, so there.
I'm frustrated by my choice of who I had children with. Remember ladies, be careful who you breed with, you are going to have to put up with that shit for the rest of your life.
On a lighter note, it's Friday night, St. Patrick's day even, and here I am, posting the year's longest bloggish gibberish, well good then, I'm not Irish.

Oh What a Diverse Weekend

Slip-Per-Eey

Holy shit, welcome to Saskatchewan. Driving home tonight, after spending some time with birthday girl Samantha, holy shit is it crazy out there. Never mind that in the last week we've gotten about 4 feet of snow, but tonight it's -7 degrees and raining, yes I said raining. All the ABS's better be on their toes in the AM folks, because it's insane driving. That, coming from me must sound incredulous, for as we all know I love to drive, and can handle the worst of the worst driving situations. No, I guess it wasn't slippery enough out there, lets add some freezing rain to shake things up a bit.
And never mind that Sam and I just polished off 2 bottles of South African red wine, hers, the cabernet sauvignon, and mine the Shiraz...just never mind that part. The point is, is that it's insane on the prairies and there ain't nothing we can do to stop it. And never mind Nicola's gloating of Alberta, or Ian's insane wishes that we up and move there to "get the family together." Oye yoi yoi, what's a girl to do? And it doesn't help that the fella that currently is making my world tip on it's side lives on a highway drive somewhere that really doesn't conform to the rules of nature these days, these insane days of way too much fucking snow, and freezing rain all in the same week.....crap.

Double Whammy Anal Hairball

Yeah so I promised Nicki I would post about this so here I am, at 3:32 am on a Saturday night, talking about anal hairballs. Allow me to elaborate...you know when you are in the shower, and washing your hair? Well for me it's when I condition, but we lose hair and I don't know if it's the bubble butt, but hair tends to gather in the buttcrack. Well, as I was telling Nicki earlier, tonight I pulled out 2 that were quite momentous...Usually there is only 1, and it's usually the biggest chunk of hair stuck to the shower wall. But tonight there were 2 giant chunks of hair, and that in itself is worth mentioning.
Never mind Stan's Place with the country band and running into Bonnie & Gord and Shelley, or going to Kelly's and playing the role of mediator between the 20 year olds and drinking and smoking till the wee hours. It's all about the double anal hairball, which I wanted to name something perenial, as in stuck in the perenium, but Nicki thought that wasn't quite as funny. Oh well, I dedicate this one to anyone thats ever admitted to picking fallen hair out of their asscrack while in the shower, cheers.

The Big Day

Well here it is...

Brokeback Mountain

Sam and I went to see this movie last night....it's all about 2 gay cowboys and their relationship through the 60s thru the 80s. It's a tale of forbidden love and not being a "queer" cowboy. It was good but a little sad, it made Sam cry a few times, possibly because she can relate to the forbidden love. Surely not because she is a gay cowboy disguised as a beautiful woman...

To Hell With Em All

Poor little bunny, too bad he's a spineless little wimp.

Why do I prefer torture over sweet, healthy, loving relationships? I tend to go out of my way to find them, choosing them over anyone that seems too nice. Why take a chance on a "nice guy" when there are thousands of raging assholes to choose from? I've never liked the "nice guy", they never last more than a week in my life. The only explanation I can come up with is that I must enjoy the torture to some extent. I seem to thrive off it, even though it causes much pain and misery. It's like I can't be happy unless I am miserable, what the fuck is up with that? I get bored with "nice guys", they just don't rock the boat enough. Well, I'm in the water again, trying to stay afloat, wishing I would have worn a life jacket on this trip. Thinking maybe next time I make an attempt at trying to fall in love with a loaded gun, I'll just shoot myself in the head first.

Fuck

Nothing like an emotional jilt to remind you you're alive.
But that's what I get for allowing myself to feel too much too soon,
and with a gemini male of all things,
have I not already learned that lesson, twice?

Feeling set up to take a mighty fall
for all the men who've ever been shafted by a girl
You're indifference disturbs me
the silence harsh like a siren in the night

It's a game that we're just playing, like kittens he says,
like chasing a ball on the rebound off the wall
Turns out I'm not that playful after all.

You sleep next to me but dream of the girl next door
Fuck

Or Maybe...

Happy Valentines Day

This one's for you Valentine!

Wild Woman Says...

Quote of the day from my "wild words from wild women" desktop calender......."When the sun comes up, I have morals again." -Elizabeth Taylor, living legend

Somehow, I can relate.

Ha! That's Funny!

Hipster cards has done it again, they rock, and hard. For all you Valentine, late Birthday, or Lesbian card needs, they've got it all. Though I've been ill and haven't felt like bothering with my blog, I couldn't resist this one. So go check it out, honestly, its the best online card company I've ever seen. Hipstercards.com

Eeeewwww Lovely

Nothing better than a relaxing Sunday, unless you find lice in one of your kids hair. I know that was my idea of good family fun.. ripping the house apart, changing all the bedding, washing all the outerwear, making sure there were clean blankets so everyone could go to bed, and doing the stinky shampoo treatment. Yep, we sure bonded like crazy over this one, if fact I seem to recall such slogans as, if you don't want to get snapped at, then don't come near me. I was a superpowered cleaning, disinfecting machine, and have the raw hands to prove it. Good thing Sunday's horoscope suggested I take a break from trying to conquer the world. Fotunately by 3am I was almost done, but by then it was too late to vaccuum, so the madness continues today. Good thing I love a mountain of laundry, cause I was feeling so empty almost seeing the floor down there.....the worst of it is, while ranting to Jessie about where the hell it could have came from, he decided to fill me in on a little bit of knowledge him and Shawneen were packing. Shawneen's little sister has lice "all the time", she gets it from her boyfriends house, who apparantly also have it "all the time"...like I needed more of a reason to feel pissy towards her seemingly useless family, GRRRRRR.I fell a little better now though so I best get back to work, wow thank God for that 4 hours of sleep, ot I'd probably be in a really shitty mood right now.

yummmmmmmy combo's

Gin & Tonic and bagels & cream cheese, possibly two of the best combo's available to mankind...and I am blessed with both right now, yummy.

Happy Birthday Boy!

Yes, this is it...I think this officially makes me an old woman. My eldest son turns 16 years old today, wow, that's old. How the hell did that even happen, I mean I have been around but it's like a time warp or something. So we had a great day, just him and I for most of it. We went for noodle bowls at norms, then on to the stop of the day...My old pals, Pat and Graeme Burke's tattoo shop, Rites of Passage and somehow convinced the two little sweetie's to do a tat for Jessie. The poor kid is shitting himself with excitement...a real tattoo!!! All that and it's a gift from his crazy mother, too bad he has to wait 3 weeks for it, but oh well. I'm excited too, because nothing says forever like a tattoo. He'll never forget his 16th birthday, that's for sure.

random thoughts for a wednesday

Part 1
Let the laundry marathon begin, 2 weeks+5 people=a mountain.
The White Stripes rock today.
Is there any point in trying to compete with an ultra orgasmic 18 year old?
The first song I am learning on guitar happens to be sympathy for the devil, not by choice really, it's just coming naturally.
I need a night out.
My shoulder hurts from volleyball sunday night, so much that i could hardly sleep last night.
I've had 4 different repairmen in my house this week, all of which were pretty good looking, which leads me to believe in the phrase, "desperate housewife".
I wish Johnny Cash was still alive.
I hate doing dishes, even with a fancy dishwasher.
Volleyball is harder on the body than i remember.
I hate that nobody but loving Nicola comments on my blog.
I am feeling a mixture of emotion, perplexion, and aggression.
I'm in the mood for afternoon beer and karaoke, not laundry and dishes.
16 years ago today i was in labour with my first born child.
I want to give that almost 16 year old a tattoo for his birthday, and i want one too.
I wish i could lose 50 pounds easily.
I am about to change my mindset with the aid of outside forces.

I want to play my guitar, but my left middle finger is already burning.
Che gave me that guitar about 6 years ago and it finally fells like mine, and i know i've been calling it a piece for years, but it's not, it's quite beautiful if you know how to play it...thank you Che, so much.
God i love music.
I've been having vivid dreams for days, thinking they are connected to the dark moon. The last full moon was dream time too.
Pj harvey may be the coolest woman musician ever.

Hottest Toy of the Year Award

For all the up-and-coming cool kids on the block.

Daisy Rock Rocks

So I just fell in love with a guitar...WOW. I found out about this company that is making guitars for women, really beautiful guitars. Some are kind of overdone but there is this one....The Venus AHHHHHH
What a great reason to learn how to play even sooner. I've finally begun the long, hard journey i've been procrastinating on for many years. So far i've got the tuning thing down, which was always my biggest excuse...so now, off I go. Go me! It seems like the big metamorphasis is finally beginning, next thing you know i'll actually go and get a job. That's mondays news though, so you'll have to wait. Oh yeah, and volleyball starts tomorrow night, whew, how will the ol' lungs like that one?